Boundaries & Our Health
What is a boundary?
A wonderful book we read recently discussed the importance of healthy boundaries. This book, Set boundaries, Gain Peace, by therapist Nedra Glover Tawwab, take you through what it means to have healthy boundaries, and how we can achieve these in our lives.
She defines boundaries as the expectations and needs that help you feel safe and comfortable in relationships. Complicated relationships can be the source of anxiety and stress, and expectations and boundaries are a way to communicate your needs to others.
Signs that you need healthier boundaries include experiencing feelings of overwhelm, resentment, a desire to avoid situations, and feeling as if you have no time to yourself.
There are also different areas in which we can set boundaries - some of which interact with our mental and emotional well-being but also our health goals and habits.
The areas that boundaries can be set are physical, sexual, intellectual, emotional, material and time.
Being able to assertively communicate a “no” in any of these areas is key to maintaining safety and good health.
In our practice, we find that often patients that are struggling with implementing new health habits may be struggling with porous boundaries around the “time” pillar. They may have a hard time declining social invitations, saying no to a favour or friend, taking on extra work outside of the working day, or even upholding boundaries to themselves on making it to the gym or grocery store.
Setting boundaries can be challenging at first to get use to, but can protect your well-being, peace, and lead to more understanding relationships with yourself and others.
Here are some tips from Nedra Glover Tawwab:
Identify the areas that you are feeling resentful or exhausted in.
Define the boundary, what is it you do not want to do, see, or partake in.
Trust your gut: listen to your own intuition around something not feeling right.
Say no: don’t give a long explanation, or apologize which dilutes the power of your no. Don’t lie, as it will most likely lead to additional guilt or anxiety.
Be assertive, calm & polite. If someone has a big emotional reaction to your boundary, it is a sign you need it.
Define consequences of boundary violations early.
Let go of guilt. You saying “no” may help the other person to address and take responsibility for their choices rather than enabling them to keep doing what they are doing.
Use support - if someone is being abusive, or crossing boundaries, talk to a therapist or professional help services.
Are you interested in learning more about boundaries and how to set them? Check out Nedra Glover Tawwab’s book - Set Boundaries, Gain Peace, or her instagram and website for more resources.
If you are interested in working with a professional on supporting your mental health, consider psychotherapy and naturopathic medicine as additional treatment.