Do You React or Respond?

A reaction is something we do in the moment, without hesitation or consideration. 

We can think of a reaction as something we might do as an immediate response to something. A knee jerk reaction when we are upset. This might be subconscious and we act before even thinking - often regretting the consequences later.

Responding is when we make a conscious choice on how we will act. It requires slowing down and being more intentional as we think about the consequences or outcomes. 

Feeling emotions in the moment is not “harmful” or “bad” - we are humans and expressing emotion is a healthy part of our nature. Being controlled by our emotions however can lead to situations where we act in ways that don’t align with who we are or our long term goals.

In our brains, this emotional reactivity can be observed as increased activity in our amygdala (the emotional centre of the brain). Increased emotional reactivity can be linked to increased anxiety and depression.

 So how do we function from a place of response vs. reaction? 

One of the first steps is to increase awareness. When we are in tune with our bodies and how we are feeling, we can understand and give ourselves cues that we are in an emotional state. 

Meditation and mindfulness practices can help us build this awareness. Even in the moment we can turn to how our body feels - do we feel heat, tight sensations in our chest, tingling. Any of these cues can let us know we need to take space from the interaction before we respond.

 It is easier to practice these skills in moments of more neutral emotions. When sipping coffee in the morning, try practicing tuning into your body so when the emotional event happens you have had practice bringing some self-awareness. When you have a break at work, try a 5 minute meditation to tune into your breath.

We can create space from a given situation if we know we won’t be able to reply in an intentional way.

 We can ask to continue the conversation later, take time to ourselves to think through, call a supportive friend and ponder on what we want to gain from the discussion. This may be a few days, or simply a few minutes to reflect on what outcome we want to achieve and then plan our response based on that.